Angelique V. Nixon

PROUDFLESH: A New Afrikan Journal of Culture, Politics & Consciousness

ISSN: 1543-0855

Angelique V. Nixon

Ripe Mango,
a philosophy of thought/emotion,
Mud Woman,
disTorted noTions of fReeDom,
Sisters

Ripe Mango

my teeth penetrate like a knife
peeling back the cover to your insides

I begin to taste you, juices flowing
sweetness running into my mouth

overwhelming flashes of time past
young days on Sunday’s beach, saltwater sand tickling me,
yesterday and today of tasting you, of smelling you

the scent of your skin lingers in my nostrils—nectarous—

as I work my way into your flesh

sucking, licking, swallowing
as your juices slide down my fingers
I ignore the messiness, conquering you

arriving at your core, I take my time
holding and caressing before I begin finishing the last few bites
I hold you, carefully enjoying my tongue’s pleasure of sweet delight

your hair disheveled from my touch
your skin torn from my teeth

your fruit eaten, your juice drunk

I am full of you as I stare at your seed

power to bring life
power to grow another
power to make us feel free and alive

in that moment of sharing

your body
your fruit
your womb

A Philosophy of Thought/Emotion

eyes open in being spontaneous
in moments of truth that dissipate under fear

fear of letting go
fear of walls crashing
fear of distance

time and distance do not matter in such moments or
they simply fade in chemistry and connection

as intellectual stimulation excites and scares
one governed by logic yet washed in emotion—a closet writer
the other enraptured by colour and the senses—a secret philosopher

vibes reverberate through bodies moving in rhythm
intensity of motion and pleasure
giving way, providing paths to an untouched place
where starved souls go to breathe

you leave me there waiting for you
you think I will react “like a woman”
you assume I am hurt, but I’m built in ways
that you can’t know yet

with no expectations
with no regrets
with utter enjoyment in our
spontaneity that speaks to crazy

there are no words to explain the separation that exists between thought and emotion
without also revealing the interchange,
using thoughts to relay emotion
while using emotion to create passion for thoughts.

challenged beyond reasons of why and how
confronted with complexities of the subconscious
intellect massaged with voice, a jumpstart for the mind
concurrently weaving in and out, around and through
eyes open in being spontaneous

Mud Woman

mud woman talks to me
and her voice soothes my inner being

she talks to me of being
a woman and embracing strength,

our survival is fierce, it is tenacious, subversive memory
carried through hurricanes of stolen spirits, blood in bondage,
we do not forget.

the rising full moon glows and shines upon me,

feeling her influence, power unleashed

Amazon, the Rainforest bathes your vibrant glow with a constant dew,
mighty rivers carry your revolution and thoughts,
spirited trees adorn you, too numerous to name, guarding your secrets.
countless species of plants and animals coexisting,
orchards living in the canopies of the spicy green tree tops,
bursting with wisdom of another time, while monkeys meditate in their branches,
biodiversity and harmony were born here

in the Peruvian Jungle
Alive and Captivating
Drawing me in, to her.

mother nature defies logic through temper and restraint,

flooding to drought, weakness consumed, sacrifice accepted,
yet peace circulates, gliding on intricate webs of breath.

Primordial identity, the journey within self, discovering the uncharted regions,
of this earth (once our blessing, now burden to save) filled with hurting bodies.

proud of being woman
strength in intuition,
aggression in emotion,
trust with love, pain, and darkness
embracing all

BEING WOMAN IS MORE THAN WHAT THEY SAY
we speak in waves through rivers, forests, and oceans
we know your language, but live beyond its chains

mud woman talks to me

disTorting noTions of fReeDom

How does war begin through claims of helping humanity and freeing a nation?

War promoted and marketed by the puppet media
controlled and manipulated by the U.S. government
supported by corporate America, corporate wonder,
corporate plunder and pillage

Exactly how does one liberate through destruction, violence, invasion, and oppression?

guns and troops
bombs and army green

It’s called neo-colonialism, today’s colonization through capitalism.

In case you forgot, the British Empire did it along with
the Spanish Conquistadors and European conquerors

And we still suffer from that Indoctrination and Assimilation

By the British being much too “proper,”
never admitting to the violence and killing

Only what they considered “saving the savages,”
forcing them to be “civilized” and “decent.”

The war continues

By the Spanish conquering with no regrets

mass genocide of indigenous peoples

Latin America suffers still, continuously and subtly
dominated by the first world, while the oppressed mimic the oppressors.

The war continues

It doesn’t stop there
European settlers turned into the United States of America.

The war continues

More genocide in the form of blankets laced with small pox
More killing in broken treaties and forced removals
More assimilation through Christianity
Conversion and silencing of Indians, native to these lands.
Indigenous peoples
Know this suffering
Muting of voice
Deceit and lies
Stolen land
Missing children
Beaten spirits
Language destruction

Feeling the pain and loss
Of my brothers and sisters
Across the Americas
Across the world

from the First Nation in Canada
to the Indians and Chicana/Chicano in Mexico and the Borderlands,
from the Native American Nations and Tribes in the U.S.
to the peoples and tribes in the Amazon,
from the Aborigines in Australia
to the peoples of Africa and those displaced/removed from her

Still Bleeding from the Rape of Colonisation

from the Afghanis who remain under siege
to the entire Arab world and Middle East under fire.

But wait, we can delve further
For there is more to go, this story/history continues, backwards and forwards.

In the Caribbean

Indigenous roots lost, stolen, murdered
Replaced with African slaves, and then
Chinese and Indian labourers.

British colonialism
Spanish conquest
French rule
Islands divided
Languages demolished
Nations formed with so-called freedom, still controlled now
By the first world, we became servants for them
For tourists
For the drug trade
For offshore banking
For the exotic
For the vacation
For the sun, sand, and sea.

A liminal space hanging between
forced hospitality and utter dependence
that convinces us of the smiles and greetings
this modern-day indentured servitude.

The war continues

Does this sound familiar yet?
Or do we need to bring up

World Wars I & II
The Korean War
The Vietnam War
The Gulf War

For you to remember, for you to RECOGNISE
But you can’t see through
The brainwashing
The propaganda
The outright lies
The constructed patriotism
The twisted versions of history they feed you.

You just consume with no questions, no worries, and no troubles

Cause it’s not on your shores, not on your stolen land,
but you don’t even know that history.
So how could you comprehend,
when you live under amusement and entertainment
as your government attempts to take over the world
controlling through money, aiming for power,
through lies of liberating and freeing.

SO THEN EXACTLY WHAT IS FREEDOM?
FREE WILL, POLITICAL INDEPENDENCE, POSSESSING POLITICAL AND CIVIL RIGHTS,
UNRESTRICTED ACCESS OR USE, THE STATE OF BEING FREE OF CONSTRAINTS

So you think you free,
you think you are free, you think we are free?

No one is free. Living under ranges of control,
as Capitalism takes its hold over the happily blindfolded masses,
who bath in their constructed truths that build on and hide the lies,
Distorted History, Bloodshed, a Haunted Distant Past.

But when the body bags start coming, when the blood begins to pour,
maybe you will see the holes in this disturbing rhetoric called “Operation Iraqi Freedom”
cause real people are dying, children are suffering, and we cannot afford anymore
casualties of war, this war, or the wars before

Sisters

No imitation
We create
We must do more

black sisters, do your thing
weave, braid, cornrow, locks, and fro
stamping out the burn of the perm,
leave behind the singed edges
we need approval from no one but ourselves.

gramma put down that hot comb
and she was free way before the afro was in again,
escaping from what she swore was eating us alive.

yellow sisters, with silent russet power
in shades of passing abilities becoming chameleons
sunning or not for attention, with our “good” hair,
blending into the background, yet the spawn, the mule,
we make it easier for them—for a time.

gramma says you pass, and acceptance be a tool,
our way to bust through the walls,
but you always be my grandchild and I’m black.

brown sisters, in our mixes—creamy to dark chocolate—
hair that runs the gamut in light waves to dark nappy curls,
ignoring the glare and stare,
defy the question of what it would be like (or can I touch it),
we break from the gaze of lustful desire with force.

gramma says put down that hair straightener
throw that relaxer away
pour that dye down the sink.

think about your reason
consider the cause as we “whiten up.”

Dye, Straighten, Perm, Highlight

But who am I to say what you do
As natural becomes the next hype.

Citation Format:

Angelique V. Nixon. “Ripe Mango; a philosophy of thought/emotion; Mud Woman; disTorted noTions of fReeDom; Sisters,” PROUDFLESH: A New Afrikan Journal of Culture, Politics & Consciousness: Issue 4, 2006.