Trapped @ Girlhood, Trapped @ Adolescence, Awakened Memory, Knocking (To the Ancestors)

PROUDFLESH: A New Afrikan Journal of Culture, Politics & Consciousness

ISSN: 1543-0855

Opal Palmer Adisa

Trapped @ Girlhood,
Trapped @ Adolescence,
Awakened Memory,
Knocking (To the Ancestors)

Trapped @ Girlhood

as a girl
not yet ten years old
i heard
whispers

this is one version

at noon
when the sun
was at its peak
i took refugee
on the tombs of those who
once enslaved my ancestors
the cold marble against
my bare legs and arms
was soothing

this is another version

at nights
the lizards that lived
in the rafter in my room
sought me out

i could only sleep
in the bathroom
the porcelain tub
cool against my skin
this is the inside version

Trapped @ Adolescence

i did not ask
him to touch me

this is the first telling

i did not like
him touching me

this is the second telling

him touching me
was against my will
i never submitted
to him touching me

this is the third telling

even though they say
they saw us after school
down by the beach
his hand under
my school uniform
our book-bags at our feet
my face absent
of guilty
i never felt his hand

this is the fourth telling

after many tellings
the story becomes
the truth

he never touched me
i didn’t feel him
touching me

this is the first telling
of the different version

i don’t think
he could have
touched me
i never
met up with him after school

this is the second telling

of the different version

if he touched me
i wasn’t aware
of his hands
between my legs
i might have had
a fever

depending on
parental codes
reality maybe
blurred

Awakened Memory

you and i
recognize each other
the other self
that others would never
be able to detect
the self that came through the water

salt breathing us
to here where we meet
through touch
you dreaming me
your name on my breath
our past connecting us
like bark to tree

Knocking (To the Ancestors)

i was washed
in blue water
to keep the duppies away
even in my crib
i was silent
listening
to your conversations
determined to decipher
your plans

i took the words
from people's mouth
sought refuge in cemetery
laid on top of tombs
and wrote poems
my feet wandered
in dark caves
and high fields
seeking someone
like me but different
with whom to measure
myself
and there
at the end of one life
you crossed my path
i paused
did not falter
but you made a beeline
and now
i am left with
this desire
written in your name

Citation Format:

Opal Palmer Adisa. “Trapped @ Girlhood, Trapped @ Adolescence, Awakened Memory, Knocking (To the Ancestors),” PROUDFLESH: A New Afrikan Journal of Culture, Politics & Consciousness: Issue 4, 2006